My father was a spit polished, sharp as a tack man. Always! He was Victorian era polite and honorable, but also willing to be silly and fun. He believed that Logic and Science could save us, but was also a truly great romantic. He taught me to play poker and waltz and Marquis of Queensbury Rules. He was a great man, imo. I never felt unloved by him, even in my seriously alienated teen period when it was just annoying rather than comforting.
He was an original purveyor of Dad Jokes, the guy who taught himself to play Stride piano, and who would do Cossack dances to the Radetsky March. He was the outgoing opposite of my introverted mother, and she was often amused by his antics, especially with us. I would catch her smiling, just slightly, her nearly black eyes shining with love as he frolicked with us: playing board or made up games, teaching us about dinosaurs, or watching monster movies together on the sofa. They quarreled often and as a child, that was more understandable to me than that glint in her eyes. It took becoming an adult to begin to understand the fierce love that they shared for more than fifty years, until her death. His devotion to her throughout the horrors of cancer completely altered my understanding of love in action and what devotion means and even now, brings moisture to my abnormally dry eyes, both emotionally and physically.

My father was the epitome of devotion when it came to his family. Working the night shift at Standard Oil in Bayonne meant years of busing and walking for miles when the buses didn’t run. He learned to drive and bought a car when I was small, and he drove me everywhere I needed to go, whenever possible, picking me up in Brooklyn every week after I married, so I could shop in Jersey where there were no taxes on food and clothing, and spend time with the family. This was not his dream for me, but he never expressed his disappointment in any way and did everything he could to lend support and encouragement to me, patiently teaching my first husband about basic household repairs and indirectly advising patience and kindness as the basis of enduring love.

My parents had five kids as well as the care of his mother and an elderly cousin, but Pop always made room for kin who needed him, he and my mom working on budgets late into the night, finding ways to send funds to family who might be in crisis, taking in neighborhood kids whose families were temporarily unable to care for them. I found out after his death that the beloved elder who lived with us had come north after Emancipation but had been re-enslaved by an evil employer. My father and his brothers organized and literally broke her out of the locked room where she was kept when not working. The only relative who owned his house at the time, there was no question as to where she would go. She lived with us comfortably, for the rest of her life, a sweet and kindly foil to her younger contemporary, my cantankerous grandmother.

His lifelong dream was to have land and create a family compound- each with their own home, elders cared for by all, kids, animals, gardens all cared for, all healthy and thriving.

Daddy promoted personal discipline and was almost military in his adherence to physical and moral discipline. A boxer in his youth, he’d aspired to the Golden Gloves, but family responsibilities intervened. He continued to skip rope and exercise every day until his late eighties. He was a good Christian who rarely attended church, but lived New Testament values and The Golden Rule.

I could go on for pages about his life and work, but this is not the place for that. I just wanted to pay homage on what would have been his lucky 108th birthday- one that he fully expected to see, as dying was not in his meticulous plans. How many times did he tell me that he’d never die, and in some sense he was right: he lives in my mirror and my son’s family devotion. Corny jokes and music evoke his spirit on a regular basis, as does every neat and dapper old guy I see. Every time my little granddaughter writes a play, belts out a song, or expresses her love of math- my father is there and I know the truth of his saying that the good that we create is matter and never ends, it only changes form. ❤️

The Day After

I’m not a fan of Biden or Harris (of course I voted for them- I’m neither stupid nor unresponsive to my Ancestors) but the emotional responses to the historical moment have been deeply touching to me. Coming off of the barren chaos and cruelty of the Trump years, we are bonded by relief and a lessening of fear and near despair. Akin to veterans of a nebulous, yet danger filled, murderous war fought on multiple fronts, we share this exhalation with an entire world that is celebrating: dancing in the streets- masked and distancing even as they jump and twirl; bells ringing in Paris; fireworks in London, pujas in India. There is a universal sigh of relief that is unknown since Hitler was defeated in WW2. If we weren’t also in a pandemic, I have no doubt that people would be kissing strangers and embracing one another in sheer joy.

How not to be moved as an entire world breathes a sigh of relief, knowing that the struggle continues while praying that Trump’s unsurpassed cruelty and indifference will not result in yet more innocent deaths before he is dragged from the White House for his walk of shame- a universally despised grifter who exposed the racist, misogynist, frightened underbelly of the nation, corrupted its morals, and destroyed the prestige and trust much of the world held for this nation. Xenophobia, homophobia, anti-intellectualism, and flat out backwardness- hell of a legacy for the “land of the free, home of the brave.” The deaths of a quarter million souls and the indescribably cruel separation from their families and horrific mistreatment of children should haunt him and this country for a lifetime.

But that presumes a conscience or empathy and he has none. Do we? Now’s the time to prove it.

So we celebrate, not only his ouster, but the possibility that at least some amends and rectifications can be made to all the victims of this modern reign of Caligula, and that Justice, generosity, honesty, and human kindness are again valued and aspirational goals.

May Biden and Harris both rise to the occasion and aim to be every good thing projected onto them, and may the negative trance be lifted from the people.

Pre Holiday PSA

Before our contentious elections and in anticipation of our pivot towards holiday sentimentality, I want to take a moment to implore people to show some basic consideration for those who may differ from you. We’re living through a period of social, ethical, and climate upheavals and it’s imperative that even when deposing our enemies, we are fueled by love for others, not hatred for some.

I’m not always sure of how our biases develop, but I want you to take a moment to ask yourselves why you feel the need to persecute people whose tastes differ from yours. Even if you feel differently, people have the right to eat and enjoy, even prefer Candy Corn to other treats. We don’t have to understand or join them, we have only to live and let live.

So during this season of Halloween fun, and especially this year as we shelter at home, perhaps separated from those we love during holidays associated with family and feasts, I ask you to look onto your hearts and make peace with your Candy Corn eating friends and relatives. In the name of peace and sugary sweets around the world, let there be Peace on Earth, and let it begin with the Candy Corn haters ✌🏽

In Memoriam

Note: This was written on June 16, 2020, but with so many horrific things going on, I was too sad to publish it. This is also a good day to remember Breonna Taylor

Today is the fifth anniversary of the horrific massacre at Mother Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina.
Those lost:
Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor
Cynthia Graham Hurd
Susie J. Jackson
Ethel Lee Lance
Rev. Clementa C. Pinckney
Tywanza Kibwe Diop Sanders
Rev. Daniel Lee Simmons Sr.
Rev. Sharonda Coleman-Singleton
Myra Singleton Quarles Thompson
RIP: Présente

Killer rewarded with lunch by the police, alive, and unrepentant. I will not speak his name.

Med Related Musings

Had another interesting and funny discussion with my orthopedic surgeon about whether the insertion of needles into the lower back is a “pinch” (him) or a “stab” (me.) This is not my first such discussion with surgeons on the subject.

Why do doctors think that intention mitigates pain? The body doesn’t know or give a damn about his intentions, even though I take time to let it/myself know that the procedure will (ultimately) make it feel better, and I use pranayamic breathing throughout the procedures.

But in reality, so far as the body knows, there’s no real difference between surgery and getting mugged. All the body knows is that it’s been taken to strangers who stab it and proceed to do things that leave it feeling betrayed, and left beaten and bandaged.

I deeply appreciate these procedures and the skill that the doctors exhibit. They are far less invasive than full surgery and they help tremendously. I am no longer in constant, excruciating pain. Trust me, daily discomfort is a major change for the better, but don’t let anyone tell you that these are painless procedures, because they’re not. I don’t like euphemisms and prefer to be as prepared as is possible for anything I’m going to do. Perhaps others feel differently, but my sense of things is that these doctors are genuinely kind people who hate giving pain to their patients and these words give them solace. For someone like me, these seem like evasions that don’t allow me to properly gird my psychological loins and take steps to diminish the pain from my end. Obviously at this point it’s moot: I know what’s going to happen and by now he knows that I’m going to counter his narrative. This is our dance, and it will continue for a while longer. But this, and various other encounters with physicians, both as patient and professional, does have an impact on how I teach the premed and other students entering medical related professions in my anthropology courses as I try to make them aware of the gaps between the ways in which we’re trained and how people actually feel and think about about their bodies and how we use our bodies in our daily, non idealized lives. To be mindful in their compassion and never forget what it’s like to be on the other end of that needle/scalpel/forceps, etc.

At the end of the day, his compromise attempt was “a hard pinch.”
Mine was “a shallow stab.”

The dance continues.

Continued Pandemic Musings

Note: This was written in July, but is still relevant as people have grown weary of sheltering in and might be tempted to take less care during these gorgeous, end of summer days. AMC

Totally unasked for comments on recent 6 ft isn’t far enough away and the power of droplets articles:

Didn’t we learn this in April?

My students always thought it was funny that I cautioned them to stay 14 ft away (laughingly, but with a serious edge) and disinfected the common computer keyboard at the start of class. (A dear former student gifted me with a set of wipes, hand sanitizers, etc. at the end of semester. I was not hurt at all 😂)
Some former students informed me that they now joke that they’re “Cruzing through the pandemic.” 😆This makes me happy: I want them to stay safe!

Who thinks anywhere outside of your own space is safe, especially in public? (Ok, people in TX, FL, GA, AZ, Jersey & LI shores, etc. 🤦🏽‍♀️) I presume that everyone has it and that I’m particularly vulnerable and I proceed accordingly.

I haven’t worn shoes inside since I was 17. We drop trou and all outside clothing as soon as the door’s closed, have a fresh laundry bag waiting, & clean indoor clothes right next to the bathroom for post washing ourselves and disinfecting knobs & such. Outside clothes & bag straight to washer.

If this virus wants me, it’s going to have to break down the door and Land Shark me! Yes, I’m cranky and in serious need of an outing. I miss my family more than I can express and I’m seriously worried for people who feel that they must, or are being coerced to return to vectors of communicable diseases AKA “schools” few of which can be made and kept safe.

I have very serious critiques and criticisms of our government’s lack of response and the concurrent war on the (augmenting) poor, among other things. But in the here and now- knowing people who have suffered through this horrendous disease and lost family members- I just want to ask people to stay safe. Inconvenienced is far better than dead or living with various disabilities associated with Covid-19. If you won’t wear a mask, don’t aggress against those who do. Time will tell, and I’ll risk looking foolish to people who don’t know or give a damn about me or their own grannies. But when otherwise healthy twenty year olds are praying that their elders don’t get it and describe it as “feeling like my entire insides were shattering like glass” or “that even my hair hurt!” I take heed.
I hope you will too.

Bone Weary, Long Time Coming

The next white colleague or acquaintance who reaches out during these troubled times and asks what s/he can do, or how they can support me is going to be taken seriously and will receive the copay invoice for the therapies, acupuncture, herbal remedies, and blood pressure meds that I need on a daily basis.
I am very serious about this as I’ve received approximately 20 extra emails and texts pretty much every day since the uprisings started following the final-straw-done-broke-the-camel’s-back murder of George Floyd. I noted on FB recently that the one person who offered some actual real world support to me for the de facto educational work I do isn’t anyone who has ever asked me for anything and remains a complete stranger- a FB friend of an unmet FB friend. (How many degrees of separation would that be?) One actual woke potential ally in a sea of good intentions/thoughts and prayers. (Another stolen term that almost everybody needs to stop using)

Meanwhile, people have been emailing like mad and have asked for bibliographies; explanations & insights; to be an uncompensated speaker; and to engage with them in discussions and even arguments. (Please explain to me how the hell are you going to contact me about what I think and then argue about it? Damn- now that’s some serious ego/white supremacist, stone cold audacity!) I’m not even going to talk about social media and the incredible amount of work I see PoC being asked to perform on their own pages and in the innumerable professional groups that have been created since Covid-19 quarantine began. It’s all too much to handle on top of the harsh realities we’re forced to process that include our higher vulnerability to Covid-19; the greater financial impacts on us resulting from the layoffs or added work hours; the horrific on screen, traumatically repeated murders of multiple, unarmed Black people during the same period as the pandemic.

We are not your Mammies/Nannies/Ayahs/Niñeras. In most cases, we’re not friends or even have-lunch-sometimes-casual-acquaintances. People are so insulated in their privilege that they take for granted that Black folks and other PoC are there to teach, fix, and otherwise uplift them and make it all feel better, because you won’t give us the power that would allow us to implement changes that would actually make things better. Hell- you don’t even hit the “like” button before you Columbus memes!

I have to laugh, but I’m not amused.

People Melania our ideas, perspectives, sayings, and actual words without citing us, and are often published or have your your social capital raised via our ideas and creativity. We have been a constant source of creative as well as physical labor since at least 1526, if we’re only talking about my Black ancestors. We’re back to 1492, if we’re including all the roots in the Americas.

And before anyone gets hurt, I’m not talking about actual friendships where there’s a mutual exchange of energies: support, encouragement, inspiration, sometimes money. In grad school, my best friends and I shared what we called “The Floating 25.” It was $25 that we sent to one another to cover our needs between our staggered pay periods. A tiny amount by most standards, but it allowed us to avoid further debt and eat. We pulled one another off of various emotional ledges, praised and helped edit each other’s work, made sure we were properly attired and functional before leaving the house, prayed, hoped, wished for, and helped actualize each other’s highest good. One secretly flew down from another state to be at my dissertation defense with a scowl on her face that dared my committee to do anything other than praise my work! Another restores my balance with humor and once made me laugh to the point that I was actually afraid of dying because I couldn’t catch my breath from laughing so hard. We do these things still. No one is wealthy and most struggle, but we give what we can. That’s friendship and it’s something that grows and evolves from mutual respect, affection, and mutually agreed upon terms.

But that is not the nature of most relationships, so the expectations and boundaries are quite different. If I contribute to you in any way, the very least I should expect is verbal/written recognition. If we’re work colleagues, then compensation is required, financially or via the various awards that academia and many corporations establish. Tell the Dean/Provost/Supervisor about the contributions your Black/Brown colleague made to the committee. See them! I’ve often been in meetings where a Black person (generally female) contributed a suggestion that was ignored but later repeated by a white person as though it was theirs, and accepted by the committee as coming from s/he who appropriated in a room full of witnesses. Highlight their work. Speak up for them strongly if they’re untenured or adjuncts. My college has vehicles for recognizing uncompensated service by adjuncts and professional staff- submit their names if those arenas exist, and create them if they don’t.

Respect boundaries. I make very clear distinctions in relationships and never confuse colleagues or acquaintances with friends although I try to be relaxed and friendly. While suddenly inquiring about my well being might make you feel better and will be appreciated by some Black colleagues, be sure that you’re really ready to make some emotional investment before you bother them, because you can’t go back to half listening or taking a call as they’re answering. If I were to answer honestly how I’m doing at any time before or likely even after current international and national crises, you’d glaze over or run away in fear. I know, because I make it my business to occasionally answer such inquiries honestly just to watch the reactions. So if you weren’t interested before now, ask yourself what you’re getting out of it and what value it has to your colleague/vague acquaintance.

Outside of my students, I’ll answer some questions for people IF I think that my emotional and scholarly labor might bear fruit and that the person will follow up by doing their own research. I post information on FB for a number of reasons, including witnessing and venting, not- as some apparently think- to always enlighten you or relieve you of the responsibility for your own enlightenment or the debt you owe to all citizens towards a diverse, well integrated, and just society.

But I’m tired. Emotional and intellectual labor add up, and 99% of the time, there is no reciprocity, and every anthropologist will tell you that reciprocity is the cornerstone of society.
So pay me and all the other folk you presume to depend upon without thought. Recognize and promote your colleagues & acquaintances. Do unto others what you would have done for yourself and at exactly the same rates. There are various activists you know who are making your towns and neighborhoods and society better, yet who are struggling to pay their bills. If you’re flush, Venmo them! Buy Black made products, support Black businesses, make a grocery run for the elders, pay a bill.

Do real things for people and never, ever, take what isn’t yours without permission/compensating the creator. That’s called looting, and an enormous amount of angst and ink has gone into telling us how very awful that is and decrying the horror of it over the past weeks. So let me remind you: Columbus and the Europeans that followed looted two entire continents, its people and resources, and then looted millions of people from a third continent before looting its other resources and wealth, including what would now be considered intellectual property. The wealth of this nation, the privilege that you even casually enjoy- including ideas of white supremacy that permeate our society and are intrinsic to every system and structure of our society-was created and continues to be supported by a hierarchy of race that was constructed to legalize and normalize the looting of those deemed “less than” starting from the Doctrine of Discovery, to the 13th Amendment, and on till today. That privilege allows you to deny racism and your own privilege. It allows you to always see yourself as, and find each other innocent.

Stop being butt hurt, relieve yourselves of the weight of that considerable ego, listen, allow yourselves to feel true compassion. Decenter yourselves. It’s not only about money, but in our society, money is how value and worth are understood, so start there until thoughtfulness, compassion, humor, and a sense of justice mature in you to the point where no one is exploited or treated unfairly because you’ve done the work of creating that kind of society. And yes, they can exist- read widely and note that there were people and systems that existed before 1492. Some of them had some very nifty ideas about balance that you should check out, but not appropriate.

#OverIt #FannyLouTaughtMe #OmShanti

When Pandemics Are Not Enough

Someone I’ve never met, but who’s friends with several folks I know posted something he thought was funny this morning. It was a “joke”
about his desire to be able to afford “riot tourism.” While this may be tangentially related to his research area, for an educated white guy to have posted this in the midst of uprisings (not riots) against the on camera murder of an unarmed Black man was beyond “tone deaf,” it was infuriatingly disrespectful and callous. (I reacted strongly, suggesting that he perform an impossible anatomical feat of self sexualization, before eliminating him from my list.)

What’s happening now in this country is important. The pandemic showed the ongoing apartheid in healthcare, housing, income, and employment in ways that have made it obvious to even the most oblivious and insulated people in our society. The most recent in a steady stream of murders ,of another, unarmed Black man, (George Floyd) already cuffed and on the ground, was the final straw. Furthermore, the realization that many people have been more upset by damage done to property than the on screen murder of a human being has not only added fuel to the raging flames, it has also corroborated what The Children of Captive Nations have been saying for 528 years.

When my son was about two years old, I was feeding him dinner when I heard a lot of activity in the hallway of the apartment building I lived in. I was a recently single parent at the time, living in a cheap walk up in what was back then a rough area of Park Slope on St. Mark’s & 5th.
I heard running and boots on the stairs, followed by loud banging and shouts of “Police, open up”
Too surprised to be scared, (I’d descended from a more middle class lifestyle and neighborhood and didn’t yet know certain aspects of my vulnerability ) I opened the door and saw a number of cops upstairs and downstairs, with two facing me at my door.
They proceeded to tell me they were looking for someone (the perpetually sought after Black dude, of course) and to ask who was in the house with me. By this time some fear had made its way to my brain and I replied that it was just me & my little son. They demanded to enter, even though I said, “He’s two!” “We have to see him, we have to see for ourselves” said the Black officer as his white partner peered aggressively over me, weapon at the ready.
They entered, with me trying to keep ahead of them, so my son would see me first, and not two heavily armed, frightening strangers in our kitchen.

This is the fearsome Black guy that they saw:

The Black officer politely thanked me, but the silent white cop just turned away, his disappointment showing clearly on his face as he moved quickly towards the door, in pursuit of that “Black guy.”

That was the first time for my son. Only his first, far from his last. It was not mine. I remember my brother and his friend, maybe 8 or 9, climbing on the roof of the Post Office across from our house, to retrieve a ball they’d pitched or hit onto the roof. I remember the cops grabbing them and taking them to the Fourth Precinct in Jersey City, even though both kids lived on the block, our mothers were home, and they could have knocked on our door, especially since I told them my mother was there.

I remember my mother’s fury as she marched down the street to retrieve her child and give the cops a piece of her mind. I didn’t get all of what the grown ups talked about that evening, but I heard them saying that “a white child would’ve been brought home to his parents” for punishment. And I heard the mingled fury and fear and relief as they talked on into the night. I’d be much older before I understood the depths of their relief and the reasons for it.

Like every Black, Native, Latinx, or other mother of colour, or any conscious person who loves someone of colour, I’m forever traumatized, forever vigilant, forever clear about where we stand in this country as “non-whites.” I sleep through the night only on the occasions that my son, his family, and I are all under the same roof, and I’m honestly not entirely unhappy that Covid-19 has him working from home, safely away from the negative possibilities that are a daily reality for Black and Brown people in this country. My son is a person of stature, but none of his education or awards, nor the fact that he is one of the best men I’ve ever known, would mean a thing if a police officer, or almost any random racist white person with a weapon or a weaponized phone, decided to target him, or my brothers, or nephews, nieces, loved ones.

And I know that like a Mr. Smith in a Matrix movie, pretty much any seemingly benign white person is a latent, potential racist threat. That liberal, educated white woman who was prepared to frame a Black man and put his life at risk because he had the audacity to question her right as a white person to break leash laws is the perfect example, but it’s most certainly not the only one.

This isn’t an intellectual or academic exercise to me, and I question your humanity if that’s all it is to you. If you could watch any of the now numerous videos of weaponless Black/Brown people being assaulted or murdered but show more concern for property, or judge their character, or even activities in the face of brutality, you are an immoral, soulless person.

Talking back to white people/requesting that they leash their pets/possible petty fraud/theft/driving/jogging/eating/watching tv/being in a group, etc. are NOT felonies. But guess what? Even if they are, the law says that people are innocent until proven guilty, entitled to representation, a fair trial, and a verdict before any form of punishment can be meted out, and that police are neither jury, nor judge, nor executioners, by law. You don’t have to like or approve of a person for them to merit these basic protections under the laws of the land and the rules of basic human morality. And if that’s a problem, it’s you who are in the wrong country, not We, the People.

A More Perfect Union

Ok, I got an A in college Economics, I’ve actually read Smith, Mill, Marx, Keynes, Malthus, Burke, Friedman, some of the reformers, etc. I have at least a better than average understanding of how our system works and doesn’t work. So riddle me this: as this system benefits so few and is so destructive to the environment that provides the raw materials as well as sustaining life, why the hell are we not changing to a better system?
Seriously. We create these systems, we decide what will be used as money & its value, we create the hierarchies and everything else not strictly biological. So why are we do wed to that which is so obviously not working except for a few, and isn’t sustainable even for them.
Let’s just switch. Right now: boom!
First move? May 1st General Strike.
Second + moves? Recall ALL senators and reps who are non-responsive to the will of the people. Demand that the 25th amendment be invoked and that criminal charges be levied against 45, Pence, McConnell, etc. Do what should have been done in 2018- nullify the election due to foreign intervention. Throw every federal appointee off their benches, revoke the new tax laws and every other piece of crappy legislation enacted since 2017. Do NOT reopen schools- don’t even think about it this close to the end of term.
Demand that the stock of PPE seized by the feds be redistributed among the states that ordered them. Renew our relationship with WHO and get scientists back on the CDC, ASAP.
We the People form the more perfect union, so stop acting like scared children. Take back your power, take off the dunce caps and get your brains back in gear and prop up your spines!
These are not leaders, they are most definitely not supposed to be our rulers: they are representatives of our collective will.
Get rid of the frigging Electoral College, for pity’s sake! Demand that mail ballots be sent to every voter in the USA. Make voter registration automatic when a citizen turns 18. If AARP can find every human’s birth age, and if BBB can find you to send those coupons, so can the Feds.
Create a universal basic income. Tax the wealthy, corporations, and religious establishments. Expand Social Security, save the USPS, support veterans. Eliminate corporate lobbying, revoke corporate personhood and Citizens United. Raise the minimum wage to $22 per hour and make Jeff Bezos pay for all of it. Seriously- that guy…
Clean house!!!!
Invoke the right to “Do over” and use it to actually form a more perfect union that works to benefit ALL.

“Debt cancellation would not only relieve human suffering, it would also remind us that money is not ineffable, that these are human arrangements and that if democracy is going to mean anything, it is the ability to all agree to arrange things in a different way.”

— David Graeber

Normal Doesn’t Always Equal Good

I just read an important blog post on Medium by Dr. Lyra D. Montiero, “Please Professors: Stop Pretending the Dying Isn’t Happening.” It was written by her after reading the tweet above, and in turn, what she wrote inspired this short response from me.

Several of my students have lost relatives in the past two weeks, others are working in hospitals and groceries as poorly paid, mostly unprotected “essential workers” and they’re frightened or worse, too numb to feel afraid, too dependent on their pay to simply “shelter at home.” Two that I know of are ill. What we say to them and how we treat them always matters, but at this traumatic moment, it’s crucial that we empathize and allow them some space to learn a new “normal.”

When my brother died (in the same week that beloved relatives were murdered) a professor on my dissertation committee told me I should work through it and put it all into my work. I’ve rarely been more shocked and infuriated and hurt (I thought he was an understanding human being until then)
My response to him was “My brother was worthy of my mourning him and I’m taking time to do so.”

There’s a huge push to act and produce normally, but in the face of these upheavals and death, that can be a dehumanizing and cruel position to take. For some people keeping to a schedule is comforting, but in my experience, that’s often part of a delayed reaction or even denial. I’m a big believer in being present to your feelings and actually feeling them, not only thinking them. It’s part of our essential humanity and connection to Life and it’s a part we should want to cultivate as we consider the society we’ll be creating post pandemic, because whatever else happens, we are not returning to the “normal”we had before. And that can be an extremely good thing.